Dating Bill of Rights

Dating Bill of Rights

First Amendment: Don’t sleep with me, then don’t speak with me.

Second Amendment: We are not friends. I already have lots of friends. In fact, I have good, honest loyal friends. I do not need anymore. Unless you’re going to be a friend with benefits, I see no benefit to being your friend. If you want a cuddle buddy, call your gay friends or girlfriends or manginas who are under your spell.

Third Amendment: If you are racially, culturally or socially unaware, ignorant or bigoted then I will NEVER introduce you to anybody of importance in my life.

Fourth Amendment: Communication is a two way street. I wholly value being a good listener, and expect the same from my partner. I’m your lover so don’t treat me like I’m your therapist.

Fifth Amendment: One strike and you’re out. Mistakes are human, fuck-ups are unacceptable.

Sixth Amendment: I value loyalty and authenticity over wealth, so if you aren’t a woman of fidelity and integrity, I don’t have time for you.

Seventh Amendment: If you spent your teens and 20s getting knocked up by losers instead of pursuing a university education and career goals, then don’t expect me to pick up the tab for your stupidity. I wouldn’t pay the same price for a flooded house or damaged car, so why would I pay the same price (my heart) for a used up woman?

Eighth Amendment: If you are a cheater or mistress, then please believe you’re not girlfriend material. If you’re not girlfriend material, you’re not even date material. I don’t give my heart to people who don’t value commitment.

Ninth Amendment: You are an automatic jumpoff if you have a parole officer, baby daddy or dealer.

Tenth Amendment: I am 33. I know what I want because I’m experienced enough to know what works and I will not settle for less in a long-term relationship.